Coping with Depression, Anxiety, and More

It is very common to struggle with getting out of bed when we are anxious and depressed. You are not alone. You are not the only person who experiences this. This is because depression and anxiety lie to us, convincing us to believe things that leave us more depressed, and more anxious. 

The problem with staying in bed is that it does not help us feel better, but instead makes us feel worse both emotionally and physically. And most certainly it does not allow you to live your life the way you want.

But there are ways you can fight back to regain control of your day.

1. Use the core CBT strategies of identifying the thoughts that are serving to keep you in bed, evaluating them for accuracy, and replacing them with more accurate thoughts. 

2. Unless you have a physical/medical condition that means otherwise, don’t believe the depressive lie that you can’t get out of bed. Remind yourself that you can get out of bed, but it might feel really, really hard.

3. Make a small step in the right direction. Moving to a chair or moving to the couch counts as getting out of bed. 

4. Give yourself permission to have a small goal of getting out of bed for just a short period of time. When you know that you can go back to bed shortly, if you choose, it can take some of the pressure off, making it seem less overwhelming to get out of bed.

5. Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to do things once you are out of bed. Getting out of bed does not mean that you have to clean the house or run errands; it’s just getting out of bed. 

6. Do something you enjoy as soon as you get out of bed. Have a cup of coffee, drink your favorite soda, watch a favorite TV show, watch the birds at the birdfeeder…something simple that you enjoy.

7. Consider limiting the activities you allow yourself to do in bed, making it inconvenient to stay in bed. For example, making a ‘rule’ that you can only watch TikTok videos when you are not in bed, or you can only watch TV when you are not in bed, may help to set simple boundaries, reprogramming your brain to see your bed as less desirable during the day.

8. Some people find it helpful to create a rule that they must get out of bed immediately, without taking time to think about it. Taking action immediately to get out of bed when you wake up makes it impossible for depression lies to have time to creep in.

Would it surprise you to learn that many, many people experience anxiety when doing everyday tasks, such as going to the grocery? For some, this anxiety is so intense as to trigger panic attacks, and certainly intense enough to leave them dreading any trip to the store. Not surprisingly, many people cope with this anxiety by simply avoiding going to the store or other public places. But there is hope! This anxiety does not have to be permanent. Here are some beginning steps to take in overcoming this anxiety.

Follow the 4 CBT Steps

1. Name the situation and the feelings you experience (e.g., Going to the grocery store, feeling anxiety and panic).

2. List the thoughts you have before or during the situation (e.g., Everyone will look at me. Everyone will think I'm ugly. Everyone will be judging my weight. It will take forever to get out of the store. I'll have a panic attack. I can't do it.)

3. Evaluate those thoughts for accuracy (see below).

4. Replace inaccurate thoughts that trigger anxiety with more accurate thoughts that are less likely to trigger anxiety (see below).

Important Reminders for Common Anxious Thoughts

1. Most people in the store are in a rush and just want to get their shopping done. They're so self-involved they don't even see when they are in my way, so I know they're obviously not looking at me.

2. I'm not so famous that people in the store are going to care to look at me. I'm not so famous that people in the store are going to care what I'm doing.

3. I've never really cared about, or noticed, what other people are doing in the store. That's probably true for everyone else, too.

4. I've never spent time judging the attractiveness of other people in the store. I can't imagine that anyone would really do that...people don't really care what other people look like in the store.

5. I've never spent time judging someone else's weight. It's very likely that other people don't really care about or judge the weight of other people, either.

6. Even if some stranger in the store was to think to themselves that I am ugly or overweight, I'd never know it. And that would just mean they were an unkind person who probably isn't too happy with themselves. I don't have to care what a stranger thinks about me...they don't know me.

7. I'm not a mind reader. My brain is trying to protect me but is actually telling me lies about the people around me in the store. I can ignore those thoughts because they're probably not true.

8. Even if it takes a long time to get my things and go through the checkout line, it won't actually take forever. It would be bad if it was going to take the rest of my life to get my groceries, but if I keep it in perspective, it's just a short part of my day.

9. I can practice my coping skills, focus my thoughts on helpful thoughts, and control my breathing to reduce the chance of a panic attack. I can influence my experience.

10. Even if I have a panic attack, I will be ok. Other people may not even know, and if they know, they're going to be kind and helpful.

11. It might be difficult to push through the anxiety, but I CAN do this. It's normal not to want to do hard things, but I CAN do hard things.

Avoid Avoidance

Remember that the natural response to anxiety is to avoid what makes us anxious. This is adaptive and helpful, when we are dealing with a true danger. But it is the exact opposite of what we need to do with everyday anxiety, such as being too anxious to go to the store. 

Using avoidance as a coping response to anxiety will make anxiety worse in the long run. Yes, we get an immediate relief from our anxiety, because we have avoided the 'danger.' But each time we avoid the situation, our brain gets the false message that it has 'saved' us from a 'danger,' and it will give us the same warning signals (i.e., anxiety) the next time. Each time we avoid something that causes us anxiety, we are teaching our brain to be afraid of that situation, and we will become more anxious over time.

Reprogram the Anxious Alarms

Avoiding anxious situations makes us more anxious over time...and it is also true that facing, and enduring, anxious situations makes us LESS anxious over time.

It's true, facing our fears is the way to conquering our fears.

Each time we keep ourselves in an anxious situation, such as going to the store and completing our shopping, we give our brain the opportunity to see that there is no actual danger, nothing bad happened. The more times we can give our brain the opportunity to experience being in an anxious situation, but having nothing bad happen, the quicker our brain reprograms our alarms, and eventually stops giving us false alarms for situations like going to the store.

It Takes Time 

Overcoming anxiety does not happen overnight, especially if it is an anxiety that has been with you for quite some time. Be patient, but consistent, in your work towards overcoming this anxiety.

It's ok to start small. Choose a small convenience store. Choose your regular grocery store during a time when it's not very crowded. Choose to go in and buy only one item. Choose to go with a friend or family member. Be mindful of your successes and gradually change your goals, as each one becomes easier. 

Remember, the more you practice, the more opportunity your brain has for reprogramming and turning off the false alarms. Even if it's your goal to do all your shopping in one day, in the beginning, it's best and easiest to do a small thing every day; this gives your brain more frequent practice (which means quicker results), and avoids the increase in anxiety that often comes when it's been several days between "anxious outings."