I Can't
When we are in the midst of depression, even tasks that were once simple for us can now feel overwhelming.
We naturally give ourselves rest when we are depressed, which often means we skip some of our regular daily tasks, such as taking a shower, getting dressed, preparing a simple meal, or doing laundry.
While taking a rest and a break from routine tasks can sometimes be restorative and helpful, if it goes on for too long, it begins to backfire. We now add guilt and shame to our depression, as we feel we are 'failing' because we are not doing routine tasks.
Depression grabs on to this and tells us that we can't do those things. After all, we stopped doing them because we were depressed, and we're still depressed, so there's no way we can do them. Depression does not want us to have even tiny successes or accomplishments, because that might motivate us to do more; and the more success and accomplishments we experience, the less depressed we are likely to be; depression wants to rob us of that and keep us depressed.
When we are depressed, doing daily tasks can indeed feel extremely overwhelming and difficult; but just because something feels extremely overwhelming and difficult does not mean we cannot do it, or that it is actually overwhelming or too difficult. Those are often the lies of depression.
To fight back against this depression lie, ask yourself, "Is it that I can't do it, or that depression is making it difficult?" Transition from using the word "can't" and be more accurate in your self-talk, If we truly "can't" do something, we don't even bother trying, and that's exactly what depression wants.
When depression is making it difficult, give yourself permission to start small, choosing one simple task to do for the day (e.g., putting on clean clothes, vacuuming the living room, taking out a bag of garbage, running the dishwasher, etc.). If it feels too hard, remind yourself that you've done much harder things in your life, and put the task in proper perspective. Depression does not want you to accomplish anything...so be prepared for more lies when you set out to do even one simple task. When you accomplish that one thing, pick another task (or the same one) the next day and focus on how it feels to accomplish it. Over time, gradually add simple tasks to your routine, being sure to never set yourself up for failure by creating goals that are not realistic (e.g., almost no one cleans their entire house in one day).
Doing this will not magically make all our depression go away, but it will keep us from adding to our depression and could be the beginning of pulling out of a depressive episode.
No one wants me there.
One of the most powerful tricks of depression is to convince us to keep ourselves isolated. Social isolation is known to be associated with an increase in depression, and depression wants to keep us depressed, so it convinces us to isolate ourselves from others. Depression does not want us to engage with others because if we do, we might feel better. And depression doesn't want us to feel better, even for a few minutes, because if we feel better for a few minutes, we may just start doing more things that make us feel better, and then we wouldn't be as depressed; so depression lies and tells us that no one wants us at an event, so we'll end up staying home. When we believe the lie that no one wants us there, and we stay isolated at home, we are working WITH depression, instead of against depression.
When you find yourself dismissing social invitations because you think no one really wants you there, recognize this as a very common, and very powerful, depression lie. But also recognize that you don't have to believe depression lies. Just because it feels true doesn't mean it is true. Try to find a small way to test this out, by accepting an invitation (after all, if they invited you, they want you there) or contacting a friend or family member you feel safe with; make plans for an 'easy' activity, like taking a short walk, eating a fast food meal, or watching a TV show together. The more you practice ignoring this lie, the more opportunities you will have for social connection (which is very important for our mental well-being), and the less depressed you will feel during those moments. This may not alleviate all your depression, but any moments of feeling better are steps toward healing...and you deserve to feel better.
